Tuesday, March 23, 2010
An Iron Fist
This article is not meant to cast the deceased in an unattractive light or to purge anger from the past. It is written to hopefully open anyone’s eyes that may have anger issues. My purpose is also to help anyone who deals with someone like this. Anger is an emotion that has deep roots and it is not one gender that I am talking about. Both genders and people from all walks of life have this problem.
Out of control anger ruins families and takes lives every day. Anyone who lives with and loves someone who is an angry person is deeply affected by it.
My father ruled with an iron fist and we lived in fear of his outbursts. We never knew when he would boil over. The smallest things could cause him to be in a fit of rage. I have so many memories of these scenarios that I could fill a book. I was the oldest of five children and lived in a constant state of anxiety. I did everything I could to please him, I thought if I was good enough, smart enough, funny enough, helpful enough that I could somehow transform him and everything would be fine. It never was. The beatings we endured were criminal by today’s standards.
He would have been put in jail in a heartbeat. He used a belt and would warn us before he started not to cry. If we cried we got it worse. Excuse me but there was a lot of pain involved in these beatings and he expected us not to cry out. We were not allowed to express our opinions about anything. He did not like emotion displayed around him. If you even gave him a look that he thought was anger he would beat you. It used to amaze me that the one emotion that he expressed freely was not tolerated in his children. He had a way of talking to us that made us feel like less than nothing. He called all this his way of gaining respect from all of us. We didn’t respect him, we feared him. I both loved and hated him.
His legacy has played out with all five of us. Some of us have never gotten over the childhood that we endured. I worked hard on myself to dispel the dysfunction that I carried forward into my adult world. I am so glad that I did or I would have lived in the shadow of fear my entire life.
God was just a concept that I couldn’t fathom when I was younger. God was for other kids that didn’t need to be beaten. God was for children who were smart and pleasing. I always felt there was something horribly wrong with me.
Every now and then I would see a ray of hope in an adult through a teacher or a neighbor that would take an interest in me and encourage me in some way. I have never forgotten them.
If you have lived this way as a child and haven’t dealt with all the inner demons than most likely you are carrying the legacy of anger forward with your children and loved ones. There is so much help available to you. You can change this and transform your dark world
into one of light and love. I beseech you to try. It is true that God has given you free-will and it is up to you how you use it.
I have moved beyond the iron fist that my father carried. I can cry if I need to and express anger in a productive way. I know that I am worthy of God’s love.
Take a good look at your life. Are you prone to road rage? Do you yell frequently at others as a way of getting your point across? Do you anger easily and act out of control? Are your relationships suffering? Have you quit or been fired from a lot of jobs? Do you suffer from health concerns that may be tied to stress and anxiety? Is feeling peaceful a foreign concept to you? Has a court system ordered you to take classes for anger management? Do you feel entitled to your anger? Are the people who live with you staying with you out of fear or love? Do you abuse drugs or alcohol? If you see yourself in these questions even a tiny bit take a hard look and decide to move past it and turn to a more peaceful way to live. Do you lose it frequently and easily with those around you? Do you take your anger and frustration out on inanimate objects like the car or a door? Have you abused your pet? Do you throw or pound on things to make your point? Do you suffer from depression?
Have you asked God for help and assistance with this?
God desires your greatest and highest good and you can start today to seek help and transform your life right now, this second. God has a different way for anger management. It is not just your life that is affected. It is everyone’s life that comes into contact with you.
You do not live on an island all alone. If all the people you care for were standing at your graveside right now what would your legacy be? What would they say about you? Do something before it is too late. It is not impossible to change this way of being. Start to take baby steps forward by making a decision to change it. If peace is absent in your life make a choice to find it and allow it to dwell within. Take it to God and let God take over. Your life does not have to be this way. If you know someone who has this issue, forward this article on to them.
This is just something to think about.